Few years a ago bipolarity started to be some kind of trend, strange and erratic behaviour often described with the classic “is she/he mad?” thought was finally categorized as the mania phase of the bipolarity (disease that used to be classified as maniac-depressive). Many famous people were diagnosed with bipolarity in a really short period of time, like for instance Britney Spears. She went on a rampage of odd behaviour completely strange to her normal one. Was cataloged as a terrible mother, an odd duck for shaving her head, etc. I used to think back then, “now this is bull, what a pathetic excuse for a nasty human being that can not cope with society” until, it would seem, by divine punishment, my mother was diagnosed with the same damn disease.

We never really though about it, she has been bipolar all her life but her blue episodes of depression and her unusual rage in the maniac phase were just considered to be “traits of her unusual personality” and we often just said “that’s her, she is just a raging person” until now, after all these damn years, and after the death of my sister, which seemed to have trigger something inside her that made all the symptoms even worse, everything started to fall into place. Bipolarity explained all her erratic behaviour and rage outbursts, it was like the magic answer, but at the same damn time the curse.

For all of those readers that have no idea or know little about bipolarity let me summarise it. A bipolar person deal with 3 states, which make the person behave and react SO differently that is like having 3 completely different persons inside the same body. We have firstly the most powerful, arrogant and intolerable of all…the maniac:

The maniac phase comes with:

– Believing to have all the answers and having super human abilities. Making the person believe that she/he is right all the time, never wrong and beholder of the only truth. This my friends is the pure state of utter stubbornness .

-Not measuring expenses. They start to believe they have an unstoppable flow of cash, that no matter on what things they spend their money, it will never end. They will waste, literally WASTE money in the most trivial things, like a trip to the Bahamas to a 5 stars hotel when she/he deson´t have income and uses the little money they had saved.

– Rage. Simple as that, they will rage, fight, impose and eve assault nearly everyone and for sure those who oppose them. They will talk smack, get in your face, be loud, irrational and plain aggressive.

-Sexual desires gone to the limit. Good thing my mother has not gone too much into this problem, maybe because her libido has gone to rest at her elderly state, so right now that manifestation has been in the dark in the last few years but quite a problem some years ago, when she in all of our faces, went on an unfaithful rampage against my dad with the most odd dudes.

-Celerity. It seems that they have taken a good doses of speed or meth. They hardly sleep and seem to be active all day, walking, talking, cleaning, chatting. Bad thing in her elderly state, her body can´t take so much abuse anymore and is getting pretty ill.

– Expertise in manipulation – They develop a keen grip of the use of manipulation for their personal gain. Have you heard the phrase “Everything you say or do will be held against you (in a court of law…OR in the manipulation tactics of a maniac)” well they will use everything they know about you in order to get what they want. If they know you fold easily to threats, they will swear they will skin you alive if you don´t do something….if they know you are frail in the feelings department, they will try to break you so they can have their way.

-Denial. In this state they will never agree that they are sick, they will just perceive their state as that of happiness and therefore will feel intimidated when told or imply that they are mentally sick. This will obviously make her rage even worse.

After the maniac phase passes it often goes back to normal, where you find the common person you use to know, that rationalizes like everyone else, that listens to advise and is loving and caring. After some weeks, maybe months…some cases days…it goes down south with depression

– Feeling of unworthiness: The person starts feeling that he/she is just consuming others oxygen, that is over cargo, that no one cares if they are around or not.

– Lack of energy – Is like if the maniac creep that was just trolling around consumed all the energy one can possibly create, now they don´t want to get out of bed, everything seems so hard, so huge, so impossible that, why try?

– Sadness: Or regret? they feel bad for everything, sometimes shame for what they did and cry for no reason or for any bad memory. In the case of my mom you can’t in any way mention my dead sister or she will go into a crying rampage.

– Suicidal tendencies: Why not end it if nothing is worth living for anymore? that is the classical question that goes around in their head, sometimes they attempt to finish it, some other times they just play with the idea.

So there you have it, three completely different people in one human being. 2 are hard to live with, 2 are easy to handle, 1 is lovable and 1 is just spoiled and makes you just keep your distance. Lets put a cherry on top of this ice cream shall we? Lets add to the mixture a bad case of hyperthyroidism, now what are the most noticeable symptoms?

Major clinical signs include weight loss (often accompanied by an increased appetite), anxiety, intolerance to heat, hair loss, muscle aches, weakness, fatigue, hyperactivity, irritability, hypoglycemia, apathy, polyuria, polydipsia, delirium, tremor, pretibial myxedema, and sweating. In addition, patients may present with a variety of symptoms such as palpitations and arrhythmias

An irritable maniac! Is like throwing a molotov to a burning bush.

The big question that I keep repeating to myself is, how to handle the situation? How to handle her? Is what I am doing right, unfair or miserable? What would you do?

One year ago she was in her maniac state and was out of control, she even went physical with me and tried to hurt me, that’s when I decided to place her in a mental institute. What she or I gained of that experience? NOTHING. They let her out BEFORE she was back to normal because she is so good in manipulation that she convince everyone she was ok, she even started talking to me in a sweet manner in front of the nursing staff and telling me she understood why I did what I did and that she understood she was sick and needed help….all that so that she could get out and deny it all afterwards and scream her lungs out to the world that her son was a spawn of hell that dared to place her, against her will, in a mental hell hole.

Now she is suffering an acute maniac attack, she has pushed the last threads of friendship she had, made enemies everywhere, specially in the flat she lives at suing the administration for trivial matters, even turned her brothers against me, my sister and my dad…being a very ironic thing because all of them knew her problem. All of them visited her when she was admitted in the mental hospital. Big issue, she is the manipulating queen! I had to reinvent myself in order to avoid falling for her tactics, she then took out the big guns and try and fuck up my relationship of 7 years to try and make me cave but failed so she went to the crazy ends of going to my job and speaking to management of all the terrible things, according to her, I have done to her, of how unprofessional I am and why I shouldn´t work for the company, suggesting I should be fire on the spot. Even then I showed no trace of fear nor I lose my cool (at least not in front of her or the company board, because inside I was a raging madman). I explained everything which was corroborated with her hectic behaviour and the company understood and decided to ignore my mother´s pleads. Now on the relationship with mother, I had to shut her down, ignore her, showed that I didn´t care of what she did or attempt to do. Make her feel I didn´t give a shit, so far it had worked, because plan B was to place her again in the mental hospital, but why put her and my sister through all that AGAIN? for what purpose? If I knew she was going to get cured, hell I would put the tranquilizer shot myself! but the truth is, that is just a “pit stop” for her to regain sanity, and then what? Give her more tools to tell everyone what a shit of a son she has…naa

The big issue here is denial. She has not accepted her disease, not now in maniac mode nor when she was normalized, she stop taking her meds and that’s when the shit hit the fan and went into this manic rollercoaster ride.

I feel guilty…I feel I am not doing enough to help her, but what CAN I do? how can I help her if she doesn´t want to be helped? Should I stay and get sick myself with all that rage and dark energy she emits? What do you think?


5 Responses to “Bipolarity”

  1. July 15, 2011 at 11:32 pm

    “What would you do?”

    1st Thanks for sharing.

    2nd Some people have implied I display BiPolar tendencies. Some of what you wrote regarding rage rings true while other parts do not so I can’t comment on those but the rage?

    I would use the word “fair” a lot. I’m gonna be “fair”. You abuse me or freak and I’m gonna point it out….ignore that and I’ll just fucking walk out the door. Wanna vent? Fine. I’ll be your sounding board but don’t direct it at me. Remember…I’m here cuz I want to be. Don’t make me NOT want to be. Everytime you see this face you got a pass to let all the pain out but direct it anywhere but not at me. I’m not an emotional punch toy for you to play with. This is all up to you. Be fair. If I stop putting up with this than you didn’t listen to me. Look me in the eyes and tell me you get it. This is love. I will do this for love. Love me back and be fair. Just a couple rules…follow em.

    **That’s how I’d talk to me, put the outcome on my shoulders. Gives me perceived and real power over my relationship. If it gets ruined then clearly I failed. Fairness is a trigger word for people with anti-social tendecies. Unfair is a popular word in our vocab. I’d clearly state that this will not be typical it will be Atypically fair and fucking that up would be fucking myself…I’d hear that**

    • 2 creepo
      July 18, 2011 at 11:29 am

      Hey bro, thanks for your input, deeply appreciated. I have done more or less what you suggested. She behaves like a child, and child must know boundaires. I sat with her and told her “I will talk to you only when you treat me the way you would like to bre treated. I will behave the way you behave. If you play nice, talk in good manner and don´t resource to insults, then I will be there, BUT if you start messing around I will respond by ignoring you, by just cutting you loose out of my life, trust me I don´t need you, I have been able to live without you and I am sticking around just for love and respect…don´t strand it or it will break”

      In the end she chose, in her own illness (that I don´t blame her for doing that) to keep fucking with me…so I shut her down. She just called me today and tried to pick up a fight, I just said “Talk to me when you are not in a raging mode, goodbye” and hanged up. I will def. accept her back if she really means to and wants to change…if not I am no sorry but she is on her own…makes me mushy inside for saying that but…I refuse to get dragged down.

      Thanks a lot!

  2. July 16, 2011 at 12:01 am

    I must be so incredibly hard to deal with in a close family member. I have a few friends who are bi-polar and even that is tough. Denial is a big thing – even after being diagnosed and accepting the illness, a lot of people are on medication for a while then think they are okay so go off the meds.

    No advice to give. I think that’s an incredibly tough call and only you know what you can live with.

    • 4 creepo
      July 18, 2011 at 11:32 am

      First off…thanks a lot for reading and commenting! Even if you can´t offer an advise, just understanding where I am coming from means a lot. I tend to feel alone in aisland, like know one understands, sometimes…but then when I talk about it I see in comments and in the eyes of listeners, that I am understood after all…so MANY thanks!

  3. July 19, 2011 at 1:24 am

    Wow. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to grow up with a mentally ill parent. There’s no advice I can offer, you sound like you deal with it the best you can. Putting her in the hospital was a tough call, but you did what you had to do and they let you down. Now all you can do, and keep doing, is making the choices you think are right and remind yourself that everything you are doing is in her best interests.

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